Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
