we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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