I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
