Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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