I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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