i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
BRING THE BAGELS
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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