Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
