I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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