Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
