I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
