Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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