Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
