Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
