Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
