But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
