i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
