I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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