He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
