i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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