I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
