Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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