she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
