just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
