Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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