He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
