Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
