My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
