woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
