is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
