Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you win again, gameday.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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