My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The power of my boobs compel you
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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