Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
