Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize