I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
