Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
