Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
