There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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