I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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