Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
