I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
