can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
