A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My dick has a subreddit
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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