There is no way he is gay with that hair.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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