And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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