1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
