I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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