She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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