i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
