is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
