Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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