so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
