Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize