U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
