"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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