Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
