I will die if light touches me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
