Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
