Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my being single is dangerous.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
