SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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