My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
