Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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