Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
