Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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