Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
