I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
