what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize