Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
